* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less
important you are to the corporation, the more your
tardiness or absence is noticed.
* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large
enough to increase your taxes and just small enough
to have no effect on your take-home pay.
* Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers
everything except what happens.
* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing
what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be
doing something else.
* Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers,
* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your
husband to pick up five items at the store and then
you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget
two of the first five.
* Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that
starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that
starts out soft will harden when stale.
* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to
eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the
bottom of the grocery bag.
* Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work
late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work
early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.
* Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
* Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, or screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
* Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
* Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
* Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
* Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
* Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
* Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
* Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
* Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
* The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
* Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
* Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
* Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
* Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
* Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
* Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
* Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor; by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll never feel quite right again.