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New Puppy and Pregnant Wife. Need Help because I'm not sure I want to keep him.

  1. #1

    Post New Puppy and Pregnant Wife. Need Help because I'm not sure I want to keep him.

    Hello All,

    So i have been married for 1 year and it has been a fantastic year with my wife, I couldn't be happier. My wife and I are expecting in December 2018 and I'm really excited to be a father and my wife is going to be a great mom. My wife deals with anxiety sometimes and she has been really focusing on the pregnancy. She thought that getting a puppy with refocus her on something else and she has always lived with dogs and I have never lived with dogs.

    For the first time in our marriage, I lied to my wife. I said I wanted a dog, as she was researching for one. I wanted her to be happy and give her everything she needs. I never really wanted a dog but I thought maybe I would come around to the idea. My wife is always my #1 priority and now my future baby is. So I agreed to get a puppy and even drove down to Kentucky (12 hours) to get her the puppy she wanted.

    We got the puppy 2 weeks ago (cavachon, 10 weeks old, her mom has one too, 2 years old) and it has been extremely hard on our marriage. I have been anxious to the point where I had to go to the doctor after constantly breaking down and now have some medicine to help. The doctor wants me to see a therapist. I have never felt like this before, ever. I didn't think I would react this way to a puppy. He's cute and all but my wife and I are constantly arguing about it and she sees that I am unhappy, which causes her stress. I want her and the baby to be healthy and happy but she's not getting enough sleep and she is stressing more because she knows I didn't want a dog and now I am stuck doing 80% of the work because she is pregnant. She feels bad asking me to do stuff for the dog. I come home on my lunch break to let him out. I'm up in the middle of the night taking him out and try to help as much as possible, even though I am unhappy having him but I want my wife to be okay.

    I constantly think about how much easier it would be if we didn't have the dog and we could focus on the baby this December 2018. He's not behaving completely and barks, whines and sometimes bites my wife and such but I know he is a puppy and that takes time. He chews on everything and he is regressing with going outside to relieve himself and does it more in the house. He was good for the first week but not the 2nd. I'm worried that I won't be happy and I'll always regret getting the dog and regret that I lied in the first place about wanting a dog. If I was just honest, I wouldn't be in the predicament. I'm also worried that if my wife gets fed up with me and decides to gift the dog somewhere else, she will always think of me differently and constantly remind me that I was the reason she gave up her dog.



    Need help. I'm struggling a lot. I love my wife with all of my heart and will do absolutely anything for her but this is extremely hard. Her seeing me unhappy is causing her stress and that was the whole point of getting the dog, to focus on something else and relieve stress.

    I feel like a terrible husband.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    New Hampshire
    Posts
    6,789
    the dog senses you don't like him and he is stressed. You should have never gotten a dog if you didn't want it. But what's done is done, you can either make the best of it or rehome him before you ruin him and he winds up in the pound. One thing at a time, first you work on housebreaking, that's easy, put him in a crate when you can't watch him, he is teething so he will bite on anything. Take a washcloth, wet it and put it in the freezer, give him that to chew on, the cold with relieve his gums.

    Being pregnant is no excuse for not working with or taking care of the dog. Your wife should be doing most of the work for her dog. Either make up your mind to make it work, work with the puppy, fuss on him, play with him, teach him things. If you and or your wife are not willing to do this then find him a new home where he will get the love, training and attention he needs.

    You are so fixated on pleasing your wife you fail to realize that pup is a living breathing little guy with feelings. He is not a stuffed toy that you can put in the toy box until you want to play with him. Get your priorities straight
    he is your friend and protector, he will love you unconditionally, you owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion

  3. #3
    Welcome to the forum! What Linda said is a good idea!

    Good luck!
    I love pets and I love Silky!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    11,972
    Welcome! I think you're overreacting to this small pup in the house. Linda's right, your wife can do most things with and for the dog, but if you really loved her, and her happiness was your number one priority, you'd remove your self-imposed mental block and have a change in attitude.

    Marriage is a give and take, and working together on new things like the puppy or the baby. Please don't burden your wife at this special time with any feelings of sadness or guilt because you have a negative reaction to the new pup. It's not hard, you don't need pills, stay calm, look at the 'big picture' and think of it as a positive thing, you should grow fond of him.

    When the pup feels at home and loved by both of you, and is coming along with training, it will be much better. Best not to make problems where there are none, you'll both be happier and closer for it. When you look back on this in the future, regardless of how it turns out, you'll see how small the new puppy "problem" really was. Spoiling her small reach for happiness and fun would be very selfish, in my opinion. Good luck to both of you, and congratulations!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    New Hampshire
    Posts
    6,789
    if you think raising a puppy is hard just wait until the baby is born. Baby moves in they take over, life as you knew it is gone. stock up on your med's you may need them
    he is your friend and protector, he will love you unconditionally, you owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,109
    Welcome to the forum.

    Getting pills for anxiety is overreacting. What you really need are puppy training books.
    An inside cat is a safe cat.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by CatMom1994 View Post
    Welcome to the forum.

    Getting pills for anxiety is overreacting. What you really need are puppy training books.
    I completely agree with you regarding pills. It's only a poor little puppy who wants some love!

  8. #8
    Hi there,

    So I think the best thing to do is to take a breath and think of this as a learning experience because a puppy is similar to a baby. It is difficult at first but in the end you have a life long friend and companion. It will also be good for the baby to grow up with a puppy as well because they will learn so much from each other and that will be a great friendship. When you start to get stressed and anxious tell yourself you are in control and take a deep breath and go back in for battle. Another thing you might try is getting a dog door. Having a dog door as a puppy can help immensely so they can go out by themselves and run around the yard and get some of that energy out.

Please reply to this thread with any new information or opinions.

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