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My Cat Only Likes Me When My Girlfriend Is Around

  1. #1

    Exclamation My Cat Only Likes Me When My Girlfriend Is Around

    About two months ago I adopted two three-month-old male tuxedo kittens from a rescue. There were first found by the rescue in someone's backyard. My girlfriend was in town at the time and helped me with the whole adoption and acclimation process. The first boy, named Shadow, was very active from day one. He had no problem with strangers and was very affectionate. The second boy, Anonymous (or Anonie), was quite fearful. I've never had pets before, but I knew that could be expected for the first few days. A few days go by and Anonie is getting used to his new home. He becomes much less skittish. If I were to get up from a chair, he would keep an eye on me but would not run. They both would sleep with me, let me hold them, and were major purrers. After a few days my girlfriend had to fly back home. This is where it gets confusing to me and goes downhill. About a week and a half after she leaves out of nowhere Anonie becomes fearful of me. Whenever I would get up from my desk he would run under the bed. He stopped sleeping with me, but if we happened to both be lying in bed, he would be okay with me and my movements. And if I got the chance to pet him, he would purr.

    About a month after I adopted them my girlfriend flew back into town and stayed with me for a month. When my girlfriend came, he started liking me again. Gradually he started to sleep with us. However, he would only sleep on her side of the bed. He never had a problem with her. The only times he'd run from her would be if he didn't know who was there. As soon as he realized it was her, he'd be fine. As time goes on he gets better and better with me but never as good as he is with her. Eventually she flies back home. From the moment she left he got more and more fearful of me. This is where I'm at now. She's been gone for two weeks and he's only purred twice. No matter how much I try to pet him. I live with my father (I'm a high school student) and Anonie has never really been fond of him. However, this is the first time he's liked my father more than me. This is also the least he's liked me. He hisses and even growls at me. I feel like he wants nothing to do with me. All he does is hide. I want him to be happy like his brother is, but I don't know what to do. Something that is interesting to me is that his foster was a woman. She said he was very affectionate and slept with her. I've heard of some cats being afraid of males because males are generally bigger and have deeper voices. Although, I'm not a huge guy. I'm only 5 foot 6. But it confuses me when he likes me only when my girlfriend is around. I'm wondering if he's afraid of males or if I look like someone who may have abused him. I've always tried my best to be kind to him and to my knowledge I've never hurt him. Sorry this is so long, but I wanted to be as specific as possible in case something gave away what was wrong. Please let me know if you have any idea what could be going on. Thanks!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    New Hampshire
    Posts
    7,163
    Where he was a rescue you don't know what happened to him before you got him, some man or even a teenager could have hurt him and scared him. Also its not uncommon for male animals to gravitate to females. I wouldn't push yourself on him, when he's ready he'll come to you. Keep feeding and caring for him and eventually when he sees he has no one else constant in his life he may come around.
    he is your friend and protector, he will love you unconditionally, you owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion

  3. #3
    I think Linda has very good advise. That will probably happen. Also I would not make a lot of loud sounds when he is around, do not scare him either. That will just make more scared of you.

    And remember my post is going by Linda's post, if what she said is true than do what I just said. Wishing you the best!
    ​Chicken lover!

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