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Rule for Cats Who Have a House to Run

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
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    Arrow Rule for Cats Who Have a House to Run

    Rules for Cats Who Have a House to Run

    Doors do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws, once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it.
    After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things, this is particularly important during very cold weather, rain or mosquito season.



    Chairs and Rugs, If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly, If you cannot manage in time, get to an oriental rug, if there is no oriental rug, shag carpet is good. When throwing up on carpet make sure you back up so that is a long as a human’s bare foot.

    Bathrooms always accompany guests to the bathroom, it is not necessary to do anything, just sit and stare.

    Hampering if one of your humans is engaged in some close activity, and the other is idle stay with the busy one, this is called ‘helping’ otherwise known as “hampering”

    Following are the rules for hampering
    1. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of cook, you cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.
    2. for book readers get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.


    3. For knitting projects or paper work, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important parts, pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles, remember the worker may try to distract you, ignore it.

    Remember, the aim is to hamper work; embroidery and needlework make great hammocks in spite of what humans tell you.

    4. For people paying bills or working on income taxes or Christmas cards, keep in mind the aim to hamper! First sit on the paper being worked on, when dislodged, watch sadly from the side of table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens pencils and erasers off the table one at a time.

    5. When a human is holding the newspaper in front of them be sure to jump on the back of paper, they love to jump.

    6.
    Walking, as often as possible dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark and when they first get up in the morning, this will help their coordination skills.

    7. Bedtime, always sleep on the human so s/he cannot move around.
    8. Guests. Check human house guests carefully to detect who might have an allergy the more allergic the houseguest, the closer you should stay. This will shorten the stay of the allergic human house guest and your owner can spend more time with you, as they should have been doing in the first place.

    If the human houseguest has bought a guest- pet be as rude as possible, hissing in an audible tone, this will let the guest-pet know s/he has been noticed and is unappreciated.

    9. Singing. Always schedule your performances between 2-3 in the morning, so as to have the full attention of everyone in the household.

    10. Guilt. Cats have no guilt, Guilt in owners equals treats for kitty, Guilt can be invoked in many ways, such as, giving your owner a pathetic look when he/she returns from work related travel, or after your owner has shouted at you for having practiced an exercise in hampering.

    11. Fur, carefully examine and take note of the color of your coat, your goal is to find contrast between your fur and a humans wardrobe, black is especially good as all cat fur go’s well black, If you have dark fur frolic on the light carpet and furniture. This rule also applies to fur balls always deposit a hairball where it will leave a lasting impression. Never leave a hairball on a tiled surface where it is easily cleaned away.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
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    Was this written by Orri?
    he is your friend and protector, he will love you unconditionally, you owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
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    ....between you and me, he preferred to remain anonymous.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    New Hampshire
    Posts
    5,865
    I'm sure, he doesn't want to own up to what he does and thinks
    he is your friend and protector, he will love you unconditionally, you owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Western NC
    Posts
    106
    12. Guitars: Always try to squeeze in between the human and the guitar. If that's not possible, help the human play by chewing and scratching on the strings.

    13. The Diabetic Cat's Food: One word. ICK!

    14. Screen doors: What screen? There was a screen there? Oooops.

  6. #6
    Very funny!!!

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