If Our Pets Could Talk, What Would They Say?

Saav

Author of The Cats of Stony River
Joined
Apr 20, 2016
Location
Western NC
I better explain. In my book, my Pook and Saav are the talking cats who use phones and computers, and of course, talk.

So if your dog, cat, bird, horse, fish, lizard, or snake could talk, what would they say?

I'll go first.

Saav: What are you doing, Pooks?

Pook: (pawing at keyboard) I'm sending an email to Purina. They don't have any mouse-flavored cat food!

Saav: Oh yeah! Sign my name too. How rude!
 

Saav

Author of The Cats of Stony River
Joined
Apr 20, 2016
Location
Western NC
Original Poster
Pook: Mom, the food bowls are empty.

Me: I'll get them in a minute, Pooks, let me finish mopping the floor.

Pook: Yeah, but --

Me: Give me just a minute, Pooks!

Pook: Yeah, but Saav isn't that patient. She already horked up a hairball in your shoe.
 

Saav

Author of The Cats of Stony River
Joined
Apr 20, 2016
Location
Western NC
Original Poster
The day after our precious dog, Lilly passed. Saav is the little sensitive one, Pook is the more outgoing one.

Saav: Pooks, Mom is at the computer crying.

Pook: Oh God, she's posting about Lilly's passing, I bet. Yow!

Saav: What do we do Pooks?

Pook: Follow me. Let's get all over her like a bad rash and remind her we love her.
 

Saav

Author of The Cats of Stony River
Joined
Apr 20, 2016
Location
Western NC
Original Poster
The grill.

Saav: Hey Pooks! Dad's firing up the grill!

Pook: Cool! Let's get under his feet! Hopefully we'll trip him up and get a nice juicy steak!
 

Saav

Author of The Cats of Stony River
Joined
Apr 20, 2016
Location
Western NC
Original Poster
Remember, in my crazy mind, Pook and Saav use a computer. They would have their own laptops if they could, but in my book, they do.

The Pet Forums.

Pook: (on my laptop I left open) Wooooo! Look! A pet forum!

Saav: Ohh noo, Pooks, don't do it. They like her there.

Pook: Hahahaha, watch this. I'm going to post that I've kidnapped Mom and demand a ransom of lobster tails under Cat General.

Saav: Oooo that's a cool idea. Make sure you get our address right.
 

Saav

Author of The Cats of Stony River
Joined
Apr 20, 2016
Location
Western NC
Original Poster
The night our water heater caught fire and we were home (luckily) and shut the power off to it. All was fine, no damage to the house but definitely damage to the water heater, but we replaced the water heater the next day.

Saav: (in the hallway) Pooks, something smells funny.

Pook: Yeah it does. I just saw Mom tearing out to the garage. Smells like something is burning. Hold my paw, Saav.

Me: It's okay girls, the water heater shorted but it's fine now.

Saav: Are we okay?

Me: We're fine, we just need to replace it. We'll do that tomorrow.

Pook: Cool! I've always wanted to see humans take cold showers!
 

Saav

Author of The Cats of Stony River
Joined
Apr 20, 2016
Location
Western NC
Original Poster
The AT&T guy to replace our modem when it pooped out. Lilly was still with us and he was afraid of dogs, so we had to put her out in the backyard.

Saav: Oh that poor guy. He's afraid of dogs.

Pook: Ha! Let's go pounce on him and make him afraid of cats too! This'll be fun!

Saav: Woooo! Wait for me!
 

Saav

Author of The Cats of Stony River
Joined
Apr 20, 2016
Location
Western NC
Original Poster
Cooking.

Pook: Smell that?

Saav: Wooooo! Smells like broiled salmon! Think she'll give us some?

Pook: Yep. Let's do the begging thing and she'll fall for it.
 

Saav

Author of The Cats of Stony River
Joined
Apr 20, 2016
Location
Western NC
Original Poster
The vacuum cleaner, nicknamed Jaws.

Pook: OMG she's got Jaws out!

Saav: Oh no, really?

Pook: Run, Saav, that thing is going to kill us!

The cats run to the top of the dresser in our bedroom.
 

Saav

Author of The Cats of Stony River
Joined
Apr 20, 2016
Location
Western NC
Original Poster
Going to the vet, after stuffing them into the crate and arriving at the vet, in the exam room for their yearly checkup and shots and then arriving back home.

Pook: Gaaaahhhhh was that really necessary?!

Me: Yes, girls, we need to keep you healthy. Sorry about that. You know, you could behave better and not give the vet such a hard time.

Saav: I hate needles!

Pook: Phooey. Next time I get a thermometer shoved up my butt that vet's gonna lose some serious blood.
 

Saav

Author of The Cats of Stony River
Joined
Apr 20, 2016
Location
Western NC
Original Poster
When we rescued 3 kittens from a burning house and eventually they stayed.

Saav: Poor kittens. They lost their home.

Pook: Gaaaaahhh, that's awful. Hold my paw, Saav and let's pray it never happens here.

Saav: I got you tight on, Pooks! Let's pray.
 

Saav

Author of The Cats of Stony River
Joined
Apr 20, 2016
Location
Western NC
Original Poster
Birthdays. We have a jar where we keep claw shells and errant whiskers.

Pook: It's Mom's birthday today. We need to do something special for her.

Saav: Like what?

Pook: Um, maybe give her some claw shells?

Saav: Oh yeah, I can pull out a whisker or two.

Pook: Good idea!
 

Saav

Author of The Cats of Stony River
Joined
Apr 20, 2016
Location
Western NC
Original Poster
The bed.

Pook: Scoot over, Saav, gimme some room here.

Saav: NO.
 

Saav

Author of The Cats of Stony River
Joined
Apr 20, 2016
Location
Western NC
Original Poster
Hope to hear of your contributions here! This can be fun!

Thanks for letting me share.

Hugs
Saav
 

Alpha1

Pack Leader and Lover
Joined
Mar 28, 2012
Location
USA
Lol, funny stuff there Saav! :eek:k: I'll give it a go with my Bigfoot and Loki later on.
 

Alpha1

Pack Leader and Lover
Joined
Mar 28, 2012
Location
USA
Looking back on losing Hans.

Loki: Ya know Bigfoot, I'm glad mom and dad brought you home to live here with us, Hans was by BFF and having him gone hurt me a lot, and you're a good egg.

Bigfoot: I'm happy I'm here too. Mom and dad still talk about him a lot, all of you really loved him, he must've been something special, I'm lucky to be in their hearts now.

Loki: I'm no social butterfly you know, Hans was the only other dog I knew, but you're okay too, fun to play with and pretty nice to me.

Bigfoot: Yeah, well why do your eyes get the size of saucers when I chase you into the bathtub and your ears all suck back?

Loki: Just messin' with ya Bigfoot, the look on your face is priceless when I do that. Then when I fake charge you a couple of times and you back off a few inches it cracks me up!

Bigfoot: Well, I'm glad you find me amusing.

Loki: You weren't too amusing when I stole a shrimp that was cooling out of the bowl on the counter that time, dropped it on the floor and you were on it in a NY second!

Bigfoot: Yeah, sorry about that, I panicked and wasn't thinking....but you always walk over to my turkey food and snatch some of that when you think I'm not looking.

Loki: Okay, guilty as charged, but I won't promise to stop doing that, it's too good.

Bigfoot: Alright, I won't promise not to eat something tasty that you drop either.

Loki: Deal.

Bigfoot: Deal.
 

Alpha1

Pack Leader and Lover
Joined
Mar 28, 2012
Location
USA
Loki: How come when mom sits in the yard with you and throws the ball, you always drop it just out of her reach instead of putting it in her hand?

Bigfoot: Keeps my skills up. When she goes to get it using her foot or waiting for me to look away, it's fun to beat her to it if I can.

Loki: You're lucky she even bothers with you, she could just go out and buy and automatic ball thrower for you.

Bigfoot: Wouldn't use it.

Loki: Why not?

Bigfoot: Technophobe.
 

linda2147

Active member
Joined
Mar 13, 2014
Location
New Hampshire
Orri: Look Sandy, mom forgot to hide the treat bowl

Sandy: I know how to open that bowl, we'll knock it down on the floor and I'll open it

Orri: Sounds like a plan

Sandy: mom put them in that lock and lock bowl, the ones with the tabs but I figured out how to open the tabs,

Sandy: Oh no, the top popped off and the treats all fell out, here comes Phoenix, she's going to eat all our treats and mom's going to be mad, now she'll hide the bowl in the microwave where we can't get to it.

Orri: next mission is to figure out how to open the microwave and get the treats
 
Last edited:

linda2147

Active member
Joined
Mar 13, 2014
Location
New Hampshire
Orri: Sandy tell mom its time for our special treat
Sandy: But mom's talking to someone on the phone
Orri:, she's talked long enough, I want my special treat
Sandy: so what are we going to do?
Orri: we'll unplug her phone then she'll have to pay attention to us, she has to learn our wants and needs are priority. Unplug the phone and watch!
 

Alpha1

Pack Leader and Lover
Joined
Mar 28, 2012
Location
USA
Loki: Play along, I'll go by the back door and look like I want to go out until she lets me out. You wait a few minutes and go to the back door and look like you want to go out.

Bigfoot: Okay, then what?

Loki: Then, when you go out, I'll pass you and go back in again.

Bigfoot: And?

Loki: And then I'll go back by the door and wait for mom to let me out again, then you pass me and come in.

Bigfoot: Isn't that a lot of extra work for mom, why would you want to make her a constant doorman?

Loki: I love her, but she's fun to tease....soon she'll complain to dad, "they want to come in...then they want to go out!"

Bigfoot: Sounds like you're just being mean.

Loki: I'm not being mean, I'm just being a cat!
 

linda2147

Active member
Joined
Mar 13, 2014
Location
New Hampshire
Sandy: Good morning mom, is breakfast ready?

me: in a minute Sandy, let me get my shoes off

Orri: you wouldn't have to change your shoes if Phoenix would wait till we eat for her run

Phoenix: Won't hurt you to wait till we get back, you don't look starving to me

Nanny: Mom I want my own bowl, Sandy pushes me out of the bowl and I don't want to eat with her anymore

Orri, yea mom Sandy is a pig, she pushes me out also. We all want our own bowls. In fact I don't even want to eat in the same room as her because she'll gobble her food then take mine.

me; ok guys you get your own bowls and own feeding place

Phoenix: I get to eat whatever mom is having, You guys don't like it so I don't have to worry about you stealing my food or pushing me out of my dish

me: enough guys, your breakfast is ready

Nanny: you need to change the filter in the fountain, its starting to run slow

Sandy: you need to clean the litter box

Orri: mom, Sandy ripped my toybox, I want a new toybox

Nanny: tell those two to stop pouncing me, I don't want to play with them today

me: enough complaining, eat your breakfast, play with your toys or each other and keep quiet for a while.

Sandy, Orri, Nanny: ok mom, what's for breakfast this morning? You know we like variety.
 

linda2147

Active member
Joined
Mar 13, 2014
Location
New Hampshire
Orri: You're finally home mom, with all those bags must be some stuff for us

Sandy, come on guys lets check out the bags and see what we can find

Nanny: I don't care what's inside I just want to play with the bags

Phoenix: the ups man just brought a couple of packages, looks like a good size box for you Orri, a new toybox

Orri; I've been waiting for a new toy box, Sandy runs around in the boxes and destroys them before I get a change to move my toys

Sandy; Come on Orri you share, you know I like to play in the boxes

me: Look Sandy one box looks like you could use it as a tunnel, go try it out

Sandy, yea, my own tunnel, now I can hide in the tunnel and jump out at people when they walk by. So much fun being a bengal, This will amuse me for a while but I still want to play in the new toy box
 

Saav

Author of The Cats of Stony River
Joined
Apr 20, 2016
Location
Western NC
Original Poster
Hahahahahaha! Love this!

Pook: Ooooo, look, Mom and Dad ordered pizza!

Saav: Cool! Think we could snag some pepperoni?

Pook: Phooey on the pepperoni. I'm thinking the whole pizza!
 


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